Testimonies
(if you are a survivor of rape, abuse, sexual assault, etc. and would like to share your testimony; please
email me at darkenangel@hotmail.com.
Founder's Testimony
Hello, my name is Anajiel Villanueva and I am the founder of Darkness Against Domestic Violence. I think
that it is only fitting that I place my own testimony on this page as a beginning in order to explain why
exactly I felt the conviction to begin this endeavor.
I grew up around domestic violence. I was not an abused child, nor was my mother an abused spouse.
However, I am part of a very abusive and violent family of aunts and uncles. Many times during my
childhood I was exposed to abusive men who were violent toward their wives and their children. I've
seen the effects of abuse on women and children, and it has left a scar in my heart that never faded, as
well as an element to my nightmares. I interceded when my uncle attempted to take a 2 X 4 board to my
young 8 year-old cousin. I was there the day after he twisted my aunt's hand and arm to the point where
she suffers permanent nerve damage and disfigurement. During the entire span of my memory I saw my
aunt's eye that my uncle had blinded with a fish-hook. I heard him threaten her life and the lives of her
children, I saw him shove her and call her derogatory names. I heard him tell her that it was her
fault she was being treated this way; that if she were a better wife he would be nicer to her. I watched him
make sexual advances upon her when she was not willing. It was a terrible experience to watch, and I
cannot even imagine how awful it must have been to endure it. Witnessing these experiences made me
sensitive to battered women from an early age.
During my junior high years I spent much time at a shelter for battered women where my parents
volunteered. While there I spent much time speaking with battered women and listening to their stories.
I learned of horrible things, things that I don't want to imagine. I was there many a time when a women
came through the doors bloody and beaten, looking for help and sanctuary. More than once I sat with
terrified children and explained that things would work out now that they were away from their father.
When I was sixteen I was sexually assaulted on a schoolbus by three teenage boys. Two of them held
me down while the other proceeded to touch me inappropriately and try to undress me. The busdriver
viewed this spectacle and did nothing to stop it. We were the only people on the bus. I managed to
escape the assault and keep them away from me until I reached home. I left the bus with torn clothes,
mussed hair, bruised, with welts and scrapes on my arms and legs. I never rode the bus again.
All of these experiences have strengthened my drive and desire to help battered women and offer them
information that can assist them in escaping a dangerous and damaging relationship before it is
too late. I will continue to strive toward that goal for as long as I am able. This is my testimony.
Blessed Be,
Anajiel Villanueva
Talia Juliette's Testimony
Ever look up at the night and think to yourself," Gee I wonder. If I died tomorrow, would anyone care? Would anyone even know that i had
lived?" I used to all the time. I think everyone has at one time or another. I always thought that I'd be great some day, if only... Famous last
words.
When I was 14 years old, I became engrossed with the darker side of life. I was introduced to "being a goth" by a girl named Casey in the
9th grade. She noticed that i had a habit of writing on my hands in a very twisted henna-type style, dressing in darker colors and writing
poetry that flooded with emotional turmoil. During a fire drill, she approached me and initiated a conversation that would change my life.
Aside from already having bi-polar and a tendency of suicidal ideation and even attempts (on many an occasion) i was extremely open to
anything that was off the beaten path so to speak. Anything dark and overlooked was romantic and intriguing to me. It has always been this
way. So at 18, it didn't surprise me that i found comfort and friendship at the local art theaters where they held midnight showings of the
Rocky Horror Picture Show. Hehehe. Those nights were interesting. One night, my friend Joshy called me up and told me that he was coming
to kidnap me from my house and abscond with me to one such show. It was a Saturday night and i had nothing better to do. So i didn't argue.
It is there that i met my ex-fiancé "DC" and my life really took an interesting turn.
DC was a tall gothic man, with dusty brown hair and stunning blue eyes and a quarkish smile that i adored. He lived in long beach, ca and
appeared to be well liked. He smoked clove cigarettes and loved to play bass guitar. He also promoted underground music for the local Los
Angeles area and appeared to be doing well at it. I, a naive 18 year old girl, fell madly in love and in lust with him, and within 3 months, ran
away from home to escape the "treachery and despair placed upon me by my father" and to "prove to him how grown up i could be and that i
could make it out there in the real world alone."
A friend of DC's named Mojo introduced me to a man named Dwayne Walker. He was a producer of independent film and underground art
photography, and seemed to have endless connections to the world of adult entertainment.
When the idea of starring in porn films was first pitched to me, I was a bit hesitant as most people would be. I had grown up in an orthodox
Jewish household and as dark and open minded so to speak as I was, I still had my morals.
(that too would change in time.) Dwayne introduced me to a man named Jim Brewer, a local long beach photographer, who introduced me to
Reb, owner of Reb's Pretty Girl International, one of two licensed agents in the entire state of California for adult film. I was offered a roof
over my head and the ability to make an endless supply of money so long as i wanted, provided that i do one scene for him to sell a month.
(not with him. He was a very good guy. I have a great respect for him. He hired male talent to do the scenes with) I was running out of money
and needed to survive. I accepted.
It wasn't too long after that I got some bad news. I had ovarian cysts that prevented me from working as often as i needed to maintain a
certain level of lifestyle that i wanted. But that didn't stop me. I was convinced that i needed to support myself and that no matter what, i
needed to make the money so that i was in control. DC tried to find work, but it was hard for him, especially being as how we moved so
often. We tried to settle down but it just never seemed to work out. I specifically remember coming home after a trip to San Francisco to find
our apartment had been vandalised by a room mate's tweeker friends and our altar burned to a crisp, along with some of our sacred items of
worship, missing.
I think that is when i truly began to lose it. For about 6 months afterwards, we bounced around from hotel to hotel, trying to maintain some
level of consistency in a world gone to hell. It seemed impossible. i just wanted to scream. DC had found his niche in life and was to be in a
band based in orange county. i couldn't keep up. He was always gone, and when He was home, i was gone. i could see my relationship
crumbling before my eyes and there wasn't a damn thing i could do about it. It was around March of 2003 that I met a man late one night in an
Internet café in Hollywood that would royally fuck my world up and change everything forever.
His name was Tony and He was a beautiful man, also with long blondish brown hair and sparkling blue eyes. He made me promises
wonderful romantic ideations and wild nights of passionate indulgences which i so desperately wanted. He also seemed to want to be
around me and was kind and caring. It seemed as though It were a dream and He was just too perfect. Almost too perfect. Almost was right.
He was into methanphetamines and other sorts of drugs. He lived his life on the streets of Hollywood and i took It upon myself to try and
save him from himself. I now realize that i couldn't have done It no matter how much i wanted to. But at that time, i was still a cocky 19 year
old stuck up bitchy up and coming porn star who thought she could conquer the world and save It from its falling disgrace with the flick of
the wrist, and the flash of the camera, and with the green pieces of paper with dead presidents on It, she was going to lead him to his
salvation.
It was not long after that we moved back to las Vegas, NV, where my mother had her home. I needed help, being as how the industry was
just not working in my favor. She had money and i knew It. So did He. He and i started out living in hotels, as i had done the prior year. It
wasn't a new thing for me. i thought It made me a "free spirit." It just made me broke. In August of 2003 i decided that i was not willing to pay
good money just to watch him have a good time. My self esteem had already taken a nose dive by that point and i just wanted to see what It
was that He loved so much and found so entrancing about the drugs. In a sense, I just wanted to fit in. I knew It was harmful, and i had
heard of its addictive nature, but i never imagined It would ever effect me that way. I was so wrong. The next 8 months were spent on a one
way roller coaster ride to hell spiralling down so fast I didn't know which end was up. A pattern of lies and abuse followed, as well as major
trouble with the law. My health had gone from bad to worse as I grew more and more depressed with every wisp of smoke that entered my
lungs. It got to the point where I wanted to die and one day, i decided to attempt to take my life. I had gotten so spun out of my mind that i
began to hallucinate and i convinced myself that tony was cheating on me. Just a few days prior, He had hit me for the first time, and
knocked me unconscious. He claimed that i was not paying attention to him or my health and was just sitting around on the computer
bullshitting. He had put his foot through the monitor and slammed It up against a wall. I became so depressed, angry and scared that i ran
outside, up two flights of stairs and off the 2nd story balcony, hoping to hit my head on the concrete or snap my neck in the process. i didn't.
Luckily. You would think that would have been my wake up call. Instead, i just became more depressed. i figured, hell, i can't even kill
myself. i must truly be worthless. After all, day after day, my Tony called me all sorts of names, and pointed out every flaw. I didn't leave him
though because i still thought that maybe one day he'd realize that He was hurting me and would love me again as He had promised so long
ago. It was not long before i was hardcore addicted to the meth, and began stealing money from my mother to get It. Tony had convinced me
that my mother was the devil and had stolen 7000 dollars from me. In my heart i knew It want true, but i didn't care. The drugs numbed me.
In October of 2003, Tony got into trouble big time with the law. Our friend had gotten us a hotel room in Tony's name under a stolen credit
card.
9 cop cars showed up and hauled him off to jail. i was crushed. i stayed with a man who was of the shadiest sorts, until i made enough
money to bail tony out. Once He was out, we moved hotels, bouncing from one to another, until i had run my bank account dry. i overdraft ed
about 4000 dollars worth of checks to make sure that tony and i had a roof over our heads for a few weeks, food to eat and drugs to smoke.
One night, i realized i couldn't write any more checks in the area and the hotel was not going to accept a check either. i had exhausted my
resources and i was fixing to be on the streets again. I turned to escorting. A man approached me and asked me if i had considered trying
that approach. He explained the similarities between porn and escorting and to my tweeked out mind It made sense. He took me back to his
place, saying He was going to go over the details with me there and raped me. When tony found out, He was furious. Not at me, at him. He
told me He wanted to take me back to Kansas where He grew up and take care of me as originally planned. Free of drugs, and free of my old
life. It was exactly what i wanted to hear and i bought into It.
Once in Kansas, the patterns of abuse only got worse. Now, we were on his grounds. Afraid of being alone in the dead of winter in snow
covered Kansas, i did everything He asked of me, and more. i became an escort full time jumping from agency to agency. He just took more
and more of my money, investing It into meth and a new drug introduced to me: cocaine. I liked cocaine. It numbed everything. It gave me
the artificial energy of meth, yet i could feel no pain, and go to sleep in a few hours if i wanted to. Tony became increasingly violent and even
sent me to the ER a few times. I didn't leave because i wanted him to kill me.
One day I was sitting alone in my hotel room, and i switched the television onto the scifi channel. i saw before me, 5 people, two of whom
reminded me very much of 2 of my exes who i loved very much, interacting and socializing with normal or at least society standard
"normal" people. They themselves weren't perfect, and neither were the people they were interacting with. But they all seemed to have a
general respect for one another in a way i longed for so much in my own life. i became instantly entranced. This show, this television
program, was a metaphor for my own mad life. i could easily identify with each of the characters on It and for some reason, i felt at peace
watching It. It was so soothing to my soul. I didn't understand why, but i knew that i wanted to achieve some sort of peace and acceptance
within my own life as well. The show was called,"The Mad Mad House."
For once, i had found something that i could identify with in my chaotic hell of a life. i would watch the witch, fiona, and remember my own
spiritual beliefs. It inspired me to have faith again. I would watch the modern primitive, Art, and the naturist Avocado, (who looks a hell of a
lot like an old friend of mine named max who i attended poetry night with in Los Angeles as a young teenager) and remember the beauty of
my own body, now emaciated and malnourished, a skeleton of 79 lbs. I realized what i was doing to my body and how much i wanted to
stop. I watched Iya Ta'Shiya, the voodoo priestess and the references to her history and African ancestry, and thought how similar It was to
my Jewish history in a way, and that made me think of my family. My Israeli father, and my mother and now 11 year old brother. And how
much i missed them. And then of course there was the vampire don. His eloquence, sense of humor and style as well as intellect and
ingenuity made me remember my own lifestyle prior to the drugs. How beautiful and romantic the dark lifestyle could be when lived correct.
He reminded me of all the beauty and people i had once lived in the company of, and i realized that i wanted to achieve It again.
On April 10, 2004, tony hit me for the last time, i took my last puff off the crack pipe, set It down and stood my ground. I was going home.
I called his mom, who in turn called the cops to come and get me the hell out. I went, gratefully.
I am now almost 90 days into my recovery and have graduated my rehab program respectively. In the fall, i hope to attend a local community
college and get my life back on track. i have made It and i cannot help but attribute some of my survival to that show. To those of you in
reading this, ponder the following: you never know just how you will influence those around you. If a silly TV program could save my life,
imagine what physical actions people do influence those around them. I hope to influence people in a positive light and intend on doing so
later on in my recovery. I will be developing a project to be known as T.A.L.I.A.A. Or The Alternative Lifestyle International Abuse
Association, where abused people can go to talk openly about their problems without fear of discrimination of any type.
Blessed be and thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope I have inspired you to do something wonderful or at least given you
something to think about. Adieu.