Why Women Stay
There are many reasons why women choose to stay in an abusive relationship. Sometimes the hardest
thing to achieve is showing a woman that she is, in fact, being abused and that she does not deserve
the treatment she is recieving. Nothing is worth staying in an abusive relationship, and we are here to
help women realize their situation. Following this are explanations of several reasons why women
"choose to stay".
‡§‡ Women may feel that they cannot recieve help because of their social or religious beliefs. Women of
darker lifestyles fall victim to this many times. This organization is here to show that you CAN get
help, regardless of your religious beliefs. You have options!
‡§‡ Women who keep a sense of optimism concerning the abuse tend to remain in abusive relationships.
They believe that the abuse will change if their spouse quits drinking, gets a job, or otherwise improves
himself. More often than not, these changes do not cause the abuse to cease. Many times the abuse
continues to intensify.
‡§‡ Denial or disbelief also cause women to stay. Men who convince the wife that they are the problem and
that if they were a better wife the abuse wouldn't occur.
‡§‡ Women who seek help from family and friends may often find that their family does not believe them.
Many abusers appear friendly, kind, and loving in public yet are abusive in their homes. Sometimes
family and friends do not believe the woman who is telling them of the abuse.
‡§‡ Fear becomes a factor in many women's relationships and causes them to remain in the dangerous
situation. Spouses will threaten them and tell them that they will find them if they leave and kill them.
These threats cause many women to stay instead of seeking out women's shelters that can protect
them from their spouses.
‡§‡ Concern for the financial well-being of herself and her children will cause women to stay in abusive
relationships. One sign of abuse is if the spouse will not let the wife work or keep money, controlling
all of the finances himself. Women worry of their children's well-being and do not leave the
relationship because they think they would be unable to support them.
‡§‡ Love is perhaps the biggest factor. Many times when spouses are not being abusive, they are very
loving and kind, promising never to repeat the abuse in the future. This promise is rarely kept, and the
abuse continues to recurr. Women who are in love oftentimes want to believe the lie, and continue to
believe it each time it is told to them.
‡§‡ Many women do not report abuse because they are ashamed of their circumstances. They feel
embarrassed or stupid for having remained in an abusive relationship for as long as they have. The
thing to remember if you are in an abusive relationship and are not seeking help because of shame,
there is nothing to be ashamed about! It is not your fault that you are abused. Get out and get help!
‡§‡ Women who have low self esteem may stay in an abusive relationship because they figure that
noone else would ever have them, and the relationship they are in is better than nothing. The problem
is that this low esteem more often than not comes from the abusive spouse.
‡§‡ There may also be a cultural or legal factor involved. Women who are recently arrived to a country
from another may feel that they do not know enough about the country to leave their spouse and live
on their own. They are afraid and therefore remain in the relationship. Other women are illegal
immigrants and have their spouse threaten to report them to the authorities if they leave. This also
causes these women to remain in an abusive relationship.
‡§‡ Religious beliefs may also get in the way. Some women are raised to believe that they should stay
married regardless of the problems within the marriage. The pressures of their family may cause
them to remain in the relationship instead of getting out and away to where they are safe.